These overdue props go out to all my beloved and misunderstood ex-STDs.

Yup, I’m talking about you guys… my homies Crabs, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Scabies, HSV and HPV!

I miss you.

XOXO,

~ Moe.

ODE TO A STD (AKA “Why STDs Are Your Best Friend”):

>> They are always there for you when you need them (They won’t wait for you to seek them out. If you are a friend they don’t see often: They will visit you!).

>> They will stick with you through thick and thin (Actually, that’s how we met.).

>> They aren’t superficial (Beauty may be skin deep, but STDs know its what’s on the inside that counts.).

>> They won’t take you for granted (Familiarity breeds contempt. STDs are willing to give the friendship a breather so when you meet up again you can go out and celebrate. It’s like Twisted Sister says, “You gotta stay hungry”.).

>> They won’t try to change you (Well, maybe a little; but, then again, nobody’s perfect.).

>> They won’t judge you (No matter what you’re doing, they know it is your life and they will respect your choices.).

>> They are selfless (They will give, give, give… and keep on giving until you make them stop.).

>> They are spontaneous (You never see them coming… and then, one day — BAM! Break out!).

>> They are fun (Well, I guess this one depends on your sense of humor…).

>> They don’t have boring friends (It doesn’t matter who they drag along — one thing’s certain: It’s gonna be a party!).

So, enjoy your STDs!

Ideally, while listening to classic STD love song by the The Trammps:

Burn baby, burn!
Burn baby, burn!
Burn baby, burn!
Burn baby, burn!
Burnin’!

To mass fires, yes! One hundred stories high
People gettin’ loose y’all gettin’ down on the roof - Do you hear?
(the folks are flaming) Folks were screamin’ - out of control
It was so entertainin’ - when the boogie started to explode
I heard somebody say

Burn baby, burn! - Disco inferno!
Burn baby, burn! - Burn that mama down
Burn baby, burn! - Disco inferno!
Burn baby, burn! - Burn that mama down
Burnin’!

Satisfaction (uhu hu hu) came in the chain reaction
(burnin’) I couldn’t get enough, (till I had to self-destroy) so I had to
self destruct, (uhu hu hu)
The heat was on (burnin’), rising to the top, huh!
Everybody’s goin’ strong (uhu hu hu)
And that is when my spark got hot
I heard somebody say

Burn baby, burn! - Disco inferno!
Burn baby, burn! - Burn that mama down, yoh!
Burn baby, burn! - Disco inferno!
Burn baby, burn! - Burn that mama down
Burnin’!

Up above my head I hear music in the air - I hear music!
That makes me know there’s (somebody) a promise somewhere

Satisfaction came in a chain reaction - Do you hear?
I couldn’t get enough, so I had to self destruct,
The heat was on, rising to the top
Everybody’s goin’ strong
That is when my spark got hot
I heard somebody say

Burn baby, burn! - Disco inferno! (Aah yeah!)
Burn baby, burn! - Burn that mama down
Burn baby, burn! - Disco inferno, yeah!
Burn baby, burn! - Burn that mama down!

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