These overdue props go out to all my beloved and misunderstood ex-STDs.
Yup, I’m talking about you guys… my homies Crabs, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Scabies, HSV and HPV!
I miss you.
XOXO,
~ Moe.
ODE TO A STD (AKA “Why STDs Are Your Best Friend”):
I’ve no idea who is in charge of picking the “Maxim Hot 100“, but that dude has got to have his head checked out.
Pronto!
I mean, seriously. Has anyone seen this year’s Top 20??
One word: Crackheads. And not the pretty kind.
What a fucking joke.
I’m just glad I didn’t renew my subscription…
Just a few tidbits I’d like to pass along about some things I learned in life. Let’s hope others will learn from my mistakes…
Well, I be damned, it’s that time of year again. Another beloved summer season is upon us. Skimpy bikinis, hot chicks and lots of crazy parties… Yeah, baby, yeah! But where does one start?
Well, for beginners, there are the obvious usual suspects like Las Vegas, Miami, Maui and the Hamptons in the U.S., Cabo in Mexico, St. Tropez, Ibiza, Mykonos and Sardinia in Europe, and St. Barths, St. Thomas and Barbados in the Caribbean.
Yup, I think that covers most international jet-set (i.e. models galore) summer hot spots.
Unfortunately, these places are packed with stiff competition (no pun intended) trying to cockblock you at every corner… So, I’ve started to look into some lesser-known alternatives (AKA: less competition and more bang for your buck) and this is what I’ve found…
Umm, that’s a good question. I guess the short answer would be — a lot. Fortunately, this isn’t therapy (been there, done that). Hence, I’m not gonna bore you with the crappy details and just state the obvious:
I love chicks.
Lots and lots of chicks.
Preferably, at the same time (and ideally without having to pay for it. Hookers suck. Fuck ‘em!).
So, does that make me an asshole?! And if it does, would you like to kiss my ass, you P.C. POS??
I mean, let’s face it — “nice guys” finish last. Or, in my case, get stuck with a clingy, emotionally unstable wallflower who likes to talk in her sleep and weep during sex. Great catch. I know.
Got Ambien?
I’m kidding. I don’t do drugs. I just muffle her with a pillow.
But, before you go all mushy and feel sorry for me or “Jill”, I should let you in on a little secret… I’ve got a plan. And it’s genius.
If you’re looking for the old Moe Slitz site, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news… it’s gone!
All of it.
Yup, that includes all the funny articles and sexy pictures. Sorry.
But, don’t despair. I’m here to help. See, I’m the new “Moe” (the old one, well, umm, got a bit old…) and I’ve decided to take this virtual wreck into a new direction.
Well, okay… not really. I mean, who am I kidding — me digs lotsa cootchie, too! Cheerio, bro.
Your Captain Bang-A-Lot,
~ Moe.
